This is the lengthy hysterical (which was me at the time)...OK historical account of the trials and tribs surrounding our arcane 6 month hiatus in Florida. We had initally planned on going down there under the auspices of doing tree-work and clean-up after the hurricanes of 2005. We were to stay in a rental house that my brother (who lives in FL) was fixing up. Due to every conceivable malfunction, dysfunction, and mis-fire conceivable, things did NOT go as planned. Here is part of that story and some of what I learned from being beached on the beach.
In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
Proverbs 3:6
When you lie down, you shall not be afraid; yes, you shall lie down, and your sleep shall be sweet.
Proverbs 3:24
Living authentically in this wisdom and this truth is such a beautiful yet difficult place to be. I haven’t been a Christian for very long myself, and I admit that the first few years have been rugged for me. I know what it means to be tossed to and fro on the waves of fear, doubt, anger, and confusion. But now after about six years or so, I’m beginning to get a taste of what this feels like—and this taste is so sweet. Yet it has been very difficult and such a challenge for me to truly let go in the many areas of my life. I admit that I have gotten to big boulders, mountains, in my path and stopped dead in my tracks and refused to budge. I have cried out and complained incessantly to God—this just can’t be right, Lord! It’s not fair, it doesn’t make sense, I’m too weak, it’s too hard, this just can’t be! There have been times when I’ve turned right around and felt like running in the opposite direction. I’ve thought to myself, “If this is what Christianity means for me, forget it.”
I knew how to maneuver before I made this decision to follow Christ. I had friends who agreed with me and allowed me to just be the way I was without lifting a finger to change whatsoever. It wasn’t a bed of roses, but I knew the rules and how to survive and I could just get along and have ‘fun.’ Since I turned away from all of that, it’s been lonely, and difficult, and so confusing. I have felt so disconnected and nobody seems to really comprehend the intense struggle going on inside of me—not even myself!
So, like Gideon, I have gone back to God countless times and have said, “Convince me, Lord, because I don’t see it and this just can’t be right.” I have asked God to convince me in so many ways, upside-down and backwards. I have laid that fleece out more times than Gideon ever thought about doing.
Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
This is the refining process. It’s usually not very pretty. And it is a never-ending process. But something deep within my being says, “This is it and you’re going to have to go through this, so let’s get going.” And like a slow, stubborn mule, I reluctantly, haltingly clop forward. I wish that I could say that I have followed like a trusting little lamb, but for me and my attitude lots of times, ‘mule’ is a much more accurate description. I have had so much baggage to contend with and see my way clear of, and God has been so good and so faithful. The situation in which we found ourselves down in Florida was one of the worst I have ever encountered.
All of our plans had completely fallen through and we were stranded with no money and no place to live and no way to get back home to Maine. I can’t adequately describe how bereft, humiliated, dejected, and scared I felt at that time. We had a huge falling out with my brother down there that still isn’t completely mended, and at that time had me totally turned wrong-side-out. My head and emotions were reeling with questions, anger, self-pity, and terrible hurt. “How in the world could this have happened?” was the question that scrolled through my mind non-stop. But God began to work one miracle after another for us down there. It was as if He was saying, “you just hold onto Me and I’m going to exceed all of your broken, hurt, doubtful expectations.” And you know what? He did—one after another.
We went to a public beach and my husband I just sat there in forlorn disbelief at the turn of events while the children laughed and splashed in the waves—euphoric and oblivious to our dire straits. It was the first week in December and Christmas was just three weeks away. As I sat there watching the children and abjectly tossing sand onto my feet, I commented to my husband that maybe if we could find someplace near the beach, he could take our car to find some work and I could let the children play by the ocean. I had a feeling this was nothing but wishful thinking, but I was ready to avoid reality at the moment. My husband said that he was going to talk to one of the lifeguards and ask if they might know of some place along those lines that we could stay. The lifeguard? It would never have occurred to me in a million years to ask a lifeguard something like that! A realtor, maybe, but the lifeguard? Sure enough, the lifeguard mentioned he knew about some old lady who just had a stroke and had sold her beach apartments. He said there might be some way we could stay there temporarily.
All I can say is "God bless lifeguards." So here’s a nice bit of practical wisdom: if you’re ever stranded in a resort-type place, go ask the young locals who make it their sole ambition to live as close to the action as cheaply as possible. I should’ve remembered this from my Vail days yet it had entirely escaped me. However, not being twenty-five anymore and having four small children in tow had significantly altered my perspective of things.
However, I was far from blessing anybody later that day.When I saw those condemned apartments surrounded by mansions and expensive condos, I was even more depressed. (If you've read Train-wreck Finds the Rails, then you'll know why this was so depressing for me...and humbling. Not only had I been kicked out...accused of 'squatting' by my dear family member...but in all my vanity and visions of my former life of the "Rich and Famous," I was convinced that I should be in one of those mansions - not this dump!) We found these run-down 1940’s bungalow-style apartments that were going to be torn down sometime in the near future, and that had actually been quite charming in their day. See my virtuous attempt at seeing the positives?? It turns out that many of the locals (except for the ones who considered them an eye-sore) were quite fond of them—and everyone including the uppities (myself included) coveted its location.
Admittedly, they did have potential and lots of stuff like furniture and all sorts of furnishings left behind that we could salvage and use...another attempt at virtuosity here!
[Here's an aside before I continue. To grasp the full impact of what you're about to read, please keep in mind that we're talking South Florida here. Generally speaking, people are leery they're going to get scammed one way or another.To rent some place usually requires major upfront deposits and most people typically are not into giving total strangers any type of a grace period. I was still reeling from the fact that my dear family member had just exhibited these same sentiments toward me. According to a couple of cops we got to know down there, calling cops and lawyers on people is a somewhat common South Florida past-time. I just hadn't absorbed this fact at that time]
And that’s where we ended up staying. The leasing manager who lived off-premises (but had fixed up one of the mini-units for himself and his wife) didn’t require us to put down a deposit and allowed my husband to do some painting to pay the first month’s rent. They lowered the rent for the first couple or three months to fix up the place.
[Here's another aside: There was actually alot more to this I suppose I should probably explain. My husband was going to these people's house an hour away to paint, which left me and the children in this hurricane-ravaged dump with nails and broken glass all over the premises. The beach was covered with man-of-wars that had stung our daughter...twice...so I was in no mood to get to the beach. We were in one of the mini-units waiting for him to get some railing up on the balcony so we could actually move into the upstairs apartment. It was a mess...I was a mess...it was one, big mess!
In this sorry state. I called one of my friends in Maine to expound upon all my woes that had just transpired in the past 3 days. Now this is the totally freaky-deaky part. During the course of this conversation, somehow, someway, completely unbeknownst to me, the precise portion of my conversation with my friend where I was describing the ramshackle conditions of the place we were in found it's way to the landlord's wife's answering machine. Yes...the landlord's wife's answering machine. I have absolutely NO IDEA how this happened. And that was ALL that was recorded - just that part of the conversation (where I was being quite descriptive, I'm sure) about my dire circumstances. This lady was a Southern gal from Louisianna and had a log home in Colorado with 15 horses. That's a round about way of saying we hit it off when we finally met! Anyway, she heard this bit of conversation I was having with my friend about this place we were in.
The next morning as we were driving to their house - I was going to drop off hubby and take the kids to a park - she called our cell phone and asked if there was anything that she, personally, might do for us. We kindly told her no and that they were already doing plenty for us. When we pulled up in the drive, she came running out with a card in her hand...waving it in the air... and said she just had a Christmas card for us. Then she hopped in her little sports car and raced off. Now back to the story]
A few days later, that man’s wife who had only met our family one time—just once—privately, out of the blue, gave us a Christmas card the next day containing a check for $500 in it. I was blown away. She had initially been opposed to renting us the place because of the children (she thought we might sue or something) but evidently had a change of heart.
After thanking her profusely for her card, she said to me, “That’s for your new place, just rip that sucker up and put whatever you need in there—just make it cute!”
That’s what we did and it turned out incredibly cute! We loved that beach house! I naively figured that only desperate people like us would choose to live in that place, but little did I know South Florida and beach-front property. It was a good thing we arrived on the scene when we did. There was only one large 2-bedroom unit upstairs with a spacious living room and kitchen which was the one we took. All the rest were efficiencies on ground level. Other people continued to move into the other apartments and not long afterward the place was filled. We made friends, had cook-outs, and endless ping-pong rallies. The beach, only 30 feet away, was gorgeous and we went to sleep and woke up to the sound of the crashing waves.
If you will turn (repent) and give heed to my reproof, behold, I [Wisdom] will pour out my spirit upon you, I will make my words known to you.
Proverbs 1:23
So what did I REALLY learn out of all that? I could say things like beware of anyone boasting of great real estate in Florida. Or being a snowbird is for the birds, but that's not really what I've gotten out of our whole Florida fiasco...that wasn't really a fiasco. And that's what I REALLY learned. I learned that life is not always going to be tidy, and predictable, and easily-orchestrated, and go directly as planned. I learned that life just ain't like the movies where everyone's given a script to follow and the perfect entrance and exit is always made. I learned the importance of asking forgiveness and how difficult it is to actually forgive...genuinely. I've learned that I have to KEEP ON forgiving...even when others don't see things exactly the way I do or even think they NEED to be forgiven.
I also learned that it's the messy things in life and how I handle the mess...and what I learn from the mess...that's WAY more important. I think what God showed me is that it's WITHIN the mess that He really shines the brightest...just like that Florida sunshine!
For more on the Beach House
These gorgeous photos were taken by our dear friend, Amy, who lived below us in our beach apartment. Not only was she supremely tolerant of the constant pitter-pat of feet above her head, she captured some beautiful memories for us!
Amy's cool products are here
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